There are movies that never cease to amaze, either because you cannot give credit to someone really having made a movie like that, or because there is no way that it can ever be a good movie, even if it starts from an interesting base or a good intention. There are also movies that want to tell something and stay in the idea … Definitely, there are those films you come out of and ask: what did I just see? These are the WTF 2019:

MOPE (Lucas Heyne, 2019)

This movie tells the story of two boys who dream of being porn stars, and will do everything in their power to achieve it. In this almost impossible way, these two friends have left their mark on the history of porn, but for something much more sordid and tragic than being a “mope”: the lowest and most degrading rank in the porn industry.

The first thing that caught my attention in this film was that it is based on a real event, so it gives a tinge of mystery and morbidity, since it is possible to imagine the darkest possibilities of outcome with a context like this. And in the end, it could have been a good movie if it had been developed from another less classic point of view of the Hollywood comedy industry or even, even in this aesthetic, if it had put more eye to the development of the leading character, which could to have been very powerful in his madness, but that does not even come to be.

Of course, we must give credit to the first scene, which is tremendous and promises what will never come: A slow motion that walks through a group of men of all types and colors, serious, masturbating and waiting in a red light, waiting be elevated to the category of male after ejaculating in a bukakke. There is also a well-accomplished scene, which shows a performance of group sex that overwhelms, not thanks to its protagonists (with the same grace and scenic movement of a porn actor), but thanks to the only female character that has a name (Tampa, dignified personified by Tonya Cornelisse) and that is of a brutal sadness … sadness that I am not so clear that it is perceived by the general public in a general way.

Now let’s talk about the subtext of the movie. It is interesting to question the idea of success of the main characters and think how embedded it is in today’s society, basically because it is disastrous: “I will be popular and they will all love me because I am a porn star and I have fucked them all, so I will find my wife, who will love me for the rest of my life”. Dreaming of possession, where the weapon is the phallus and conquest is the admiration of their peers and the desire of the woman; totally invisible as a person and transformed into a trophy or a piece of meat.

I still have the doubt if this movie tries to say something about toxic masculinity related to mainstream porn, machismo and the objectification of women (I want to think that the fact that almost no female character has neither name nor importance is for something more than indifference), or it is a short and superficial vision of this tragic episode of horror. I want to think so, but it is a bet and a desire rather than an assertion.

VEROTIKA (Glenn Danzing, 2019):


We came to this movie with the idea that the dark man of horror rock Glenn Danzing, creator of the bands The Misfits, Samhain and Danzig, could give us something interesting in his first horror movie … because the darkness that has surrounded him all his life was a credential that assured us at least a good time … Besides, we liked the idea that he was there presenting his movie; everything looked great, even the first bloody presentation scene. But as the thing progressed, I believe that none of those who were there gave credit for what we were seeing. Is this on purpose? Is it a joke?


The first story has its point when we find the protagonist with gigantic tits with eyes, instead of nipples: the culprits of all her sufferings, because there was no man who did not run away. Ok ok. After the tears in those eyes transformed an albino spider into a murderous monster that kills Parisian prostitutes (the context gives us a bad French accent and all the cliché of Paris) while she sleeps. Phew! an argument that can be fun, as long as everything comes together to make it happen … but it didn’t.

A porn movie aesthetic, poor lighting, careless camera, even worse performances; in short, everything coming together so that what it provokes is laughter of disbelief. Is this a satire? I want to think so, but we have to check. We enter again with the presenter, the only thing moderately achieved in this that cannot be cataloged. Good makeup, the best photography and scenery of the entire film. She is a kind of “guardian of the crypt” in a sexy key that presents each story. Let’s see what the second story gives us … Horror. It wants to be a thriller of a disfigured murderer who wants to appropriate the beauty of the faces of her victims; but it ends up being a kind of footage of testosterone enjoyment when seeing half-naked girls dancing in a pole to the sound of music composed by Danzing himself. Long, very long scenes, without any argument and of doubtful taste. Here the laugh lasts less, because repeated joke comes out rotten; but something – we don’t know what – keeps us sitting in those seats waiting for this that we cannot define with the right words to end. The second story ends (without really finishing, where it seems that the winner is the murderer) and our presenter gives us the pass of the third and last story. At the beginning we think: “ok, at least there are exteriors”; but here the heroine is a woman thirsty for blood and youth, which condemns us to a loop of images of this woman “bathing in blood” and looking in the mirror, which repeats itself meaninglessly, in a kind of hypnosis attempt that rub the boundary between laughter and rage.

The final moment of farewell arrives, a relief and a question: why have I stayed to watch this full movie? I think that everyone who was there asked us the same thing, however, almost none dared to get out of there before it ended.

It is certainly an indescribable film, very close to what caused “the Room” in its time. The question is whether this director has consciously teased us with this horrific exercise, or if it has been done as a genuine tribute to the directors of the Italian and European horror movies of which Danzing claims to be a fan. I am afraid to believe the latter, because it shows us a character that lives in a parallel world, with a kind of sexual obsession with young strippers and that completely delegitimizes his vision of the darkness that surrounds his music, something that has accompanied him all his life. Time will tell us if what we have witnessed remains as a cult file or disappears in the memory of those who had the (bad) luck of seeing it.

IL NIDO (THE NEST) (Roberto de Feo, 2019):


It is true that the fantastic Italian has had a revival and an interesting kind of effervescence and that encourages to see his fantastic films. And this film promised something. Of an interesting, suffocating and very baroque aesthetic, Il nido tells us the story of Samuel, a paralytic child who is condemned to live in his family’s palace and not leave there, until he meets Denise, a young maid who Change life and future desires. With a castrating mother, an intriguing family and a mysterious exterior; We are seeing how the outcome can be predictable, however, it is not all bad.


So far we consider that this is the debut feature by the director, and it shows: there is no fewer unnecessary scenes and repeated effects can be ignored, the same with the scenes a bit pretentious as to symmetry planes, purely aesthetic and very long. OK, but the need to cover everything in terms of horror genres, no. There are the terrifying place, the darkness of the characters, the evil of the mother, the sadistic doctor, the psychological terror, the escape … is it necessary to force something else? At the end of the movie, what is left in my head is a big and bright one: WHY? If there is something to do with this movie is to debug, take out all that is left over, because, although the Italian is usually exuberant, here more is not better. And the end … the end (in my view) finishes killing everything that was built weakly during the previous 105 minutes.

COSMIC CANDY (Rinio Dragasaki, 2019):


Part of the closing session of Noves Visions. A Greek film that tells the story of an Anna, a neurotic and eccentric supermarket cashier, obsessed with candies called “Cosmic Candy”, which has to take care of her personal mental imbalances and those of a neighbor’s daughter who disappears from one moment to another.


It is an absurd comedy, which has its points of humor well achieved and characters that are endearing, but that is lost as it progresses. My question is: is romantic history necessary to close the movie? I do not think so. And that is precisely what makes this film fall into this category.


The jewels

The jewels are those that you know they will give what to talk about and that move you. My favorites of this version.

There is something there

Come on, it can’t be all gems, but these are worth it, and very much:


They are those movies in which when you finish them, you think: what did I just see?